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Beyond Roles & Polls


There is a magic thing that happens when we decide to share our life with our beloved. Over time, we take on roles in our house hold and our life together. We also tend to move to the poles on any particular topic. Through my coaching for couples, we explore the roles and poles that appear within your relationship.


What is a role? A role is a characteristic or a quality we embody in service of the whole of the relationship we are in. Examples are, Mom, Dad, money manager, the playful one, the planner, and the visionary one. The longer you are in a role, generally the more skilled you are at that role. 

What is a pole?  A pole is anything that is held as dualistic or only at the extremes i.e. spontaneous vs. planner, risk taker vs cautious, career focus vs family focus, or aggressive vs passive.


When things are constant, holding your roles and poles can be a very effective way to run your life together. You are working together to create what you want. But the thing is, you took on your roles and poles at a particular point in time for a particular intention. Life changes and so do each of the partners in a relationship. We may no longer want the role or to defend the pole we have been holding. Each of you has changed as so the roles, poles and goals have to change too. 


I work with couples that are ready to make to start a new phase of life. Together, we will look at what has been., what the couple loves about that and wants to keep, and what needs to shift. We create a new goal together and redefine how to work together to have the roles filled and move in from the poles in service of what they truly want. 


The redesigning of the relationship agreements is powerful work.


For more information on coaching for couples, please schedule a 30 minute conversation with Noah Martin today!

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